There’s no way to avoid disappointments in life, but there are good ways to cope with them.
When we are disappointed in a major way, we usually go through the stages of grief, which include shock, denial, anger, and sorrow. It doesn’t help when someone says, “Don’t worry, you’ll be okay.” The fact is, it hurts, and we must get through it. To move on, we cannot get stuck in disappointment. From personal experience, I know there are some things we can control and others we cannot.
A major life lesson I have learned is that when I expected something to happen and it didn’t, it most likely was not supposed to happen. Instead, I gained experiences on a different path that otherwise I would have missed…
I studied and worked hard to become a doctor and a specialist. After many years, things changed in the medical profession. Managed care set in, and it seemed that how good a doctor I was did not matter as much as the financial “bottom line.” I was disappointed and even disillusioned. But I came to realize there was no way I could control the wave of change that was happening. I had to handle my disappointment and fall back on what I wanted when I decided to become a doctor, which was to care for those in need and to teach them how to empower themselves in all aspects of their lives.
So I went down a different path and became a writer of articles and books on treating the whole human being as worthy of health in mind, body, and spirit. Through my writing, I’m accomplishing my original goals of healing and educating patients but in a different way.
If I had enjoyed a successful medical practice, as I originally planned, this book, the ones already written, and those to be written, would not exist. Only a few patients would have had a chance to see me on a one-on-one basis. But with my books, blogs, podcasts, and Internet presence, I am reaching people all over the world, beyond my wildest dreams, now and for years to come.
For over two years, Erin has been dealing with fertility issues and she came for a one-on-one private retreat with me at my healing sanctuary. After trying to get pregnant on her own for one year, she went to a fertility specialist and had three intrauterine inseminations – IUI procedures.
She had just turned 34, and was afraid that her biological clock was ticking; the experience left her devastated. Every time she had a period, she felt like a failure and was disappointed with her body, herself, and life in general.
As time went by, her relationship with her husband – who now considered himself a sperm donor – was deteriorating. The intimacy they previously had was falling by the wayside. While going through all this, she was having problems at work, as well. And because of all of the stress she was going through, she was having difficulty sleeping and her periods were becoming irregular – decreasing her chance of becoming pregnant even more so.
The first thing she had to learn was to be still so her mind and body could rejuvenate. Being in a nurturing environment where she could let her guards down, she was able to sleep soundly for the first time in months. She finally understood that not having a baby, when you want it, can be a disappointment. She also found that stress, from not getting pregnant, was making it even more challenging to get pregnant. It was also affecting her overall health, her relationship with her husband, and her work.
She learned about surrendering, how to destress mindfully, how all things unfold in divine order and how to trust that her mind and body will follow and let things just happen – naturally.
And it did! Her periods became regular, and three months later she was pregnant. She was performing so well at work that she got promoted to her dream position.
It’s the little steps that count when you’re getting through disappointments. Every morning, you are a different person; so don’t get discouraged because every day, every little step counts. Know that one day you’ll look back with a clearer understanding of the benefits that have come from the experience and the struggle. It’s a matter of choosing your own perspective—how you think about what and why things didn’t work out the way you wanted.